Want To Be More Effective in a Conflict? Focus on Hidden Power!

In any conflicted conversation, there may be many different kinds of power present. Classic, hierarchical power is the most easily recognizable. After all, if you can fire someone, affect their compensation, or change their assignments, you can also compel them to do things they might not otherwise choose to do. And yet overt, explicit employment power is not the only kind of power dynamic available.

As you’re sizing up a conflict and deciding how you want to respond to the various competing needs and purposes, understanding the variety of power dynamics can give you a potential edge. A thoughtful power analysis provides you with more perspective on what’s going on with the other people involved, more choices for your own behavior, and all kinds of tools. Here are just a few of the types of hidden dynamics and levers you might recognize, assert on your own behalf, or work to counteract.

Aspects of Power 

The Power of Roles: Even when you have hierarchical power—let’s say, as a vice president—someone who has less hierarchy but holds an important role may be able to direct you. Think of Human Resources or the legal department, either of which can say what actions are permissible or not, no matter what your title is. Someone with role power can speak first or last, opening or putting an end to a debate or initiative. Learning what this person is likely to say before going into a meeting can help you figure out whether to adjust your position, work around them, or change your plan in a way they can accept. 

People in functional roles like operations or IT may also be able to tell you whether resources are available for your project and if they can meet your timetable, so consult with these folks early, rather than getting into a showdown. 

The Power of Longevity or Experience: Someone who has a significant track record in the company, understands its history and culture—even including where the skeletons may be buried—can hold power over a higher-ranked person. Knowing how to navigate a situation’s politics and recognizing that certain kinds of conflicts—and people—don’t last is yet another kind of power: It helps you stick it out through tough situations without giving up.

The Power of Smarts: Some people think faster and generate more ideas or possibilities than others, which can enhance their status, credibility, or image and give them clout they wouldn’t otherwise have. Even if you don’t possess this type of power you can act like you do by timing your contributions to a conversation. Assess whether it’s better to speak first and set some “anchoring” concepts for others to work from, or speak last, highlighting certain options or casting doubt on others.

The Power of Silence: By staying quiet, you can make others try to guess what you’re thinking. Silence often makes other people nervous because it’ll seem like you’re waiting for something but they won’t necessarily know what that thing is. It can also suggest that you don’t believe you need to acknowledge the person or argument in front of you, which can be very discouraging to others, causing them to weaken in their position or resolve.

The Power of Speaking: Sometimes, if you just keep talking, you can keep holding the floor, reducing the opportunity for anyone else to express their point of view or argue with yours. If you keep going, you may overwhelm and demoralize everyone else. You could also appear as if you believe your point of view is more important than anyone else’s, or you might get the last word, over and over. Asserting speaking power can wear people down and get you what you want—but keep in mind that it can breed terrible resentment.

The Power of Generosity: If you can help everyone, even your opponents, get something they want, they may return the favor later. You can build trust by helping others feel more comfortable in your presence, letting them know you care about their concerns even though you disagree with them, and respecting them even in the heat of the moment. There are several ways to give something to your opponents: let them go first, or allow them to divide the assets so you can choose from the options they offer. Praising people for their contributions or their value, even during a difficult conversation, can give people a sense of pride and confidence. These possibilities make it more likely that the other parties will have the patience later to listen to what you have to say or give you small wins in return. 

The Value of Close Observation

There are plenty of other useful powers besides these, like the power of information, resources, and valuable alliances. Start observing contentious meetings or other conflicts carefully to identify how different individuals create certain conditions to get more of what they want. Note when you can see someone laying the groundwork for a future move (the same way a billiards player might name the pocket and shot they’re planning to make) and look for gambits that cause others to withdraw or silence themselves. You don’t have to copy any of these patterns or try to arrange the same circumstances, but recognizing them will give you an edge and make you more effective.

Onward and upward—
LK

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