High unemployment? Bah!
The iPad has created these new job categories, according to Jennifer Jacobson, the witty publicist at Retrovo.
The iPad au pair or “iPair”
Are you tired of “baby sitting” your iPad? After all, it does require a significant amount of attention. You can’t just set it down on the counter at Starbucks while you put creamer in your coffee, and you certainly can’t throw it into a handbag or “man-bag” as the case may be. You need a 24/7 iPad attendee, so why not consider an iPad Au Pair? Similar to traditional au pairs who serve as domestic child-care assistants living with host families, the iPad au pair or “iPair” is a technologically skilled Mac enthusiast who is invited to live with an iPad owning family, so long as they have their own room, a reasonable allowance in iTunes credits, and at least two full days a week off. The iPair’s duties include holding your iPad while you eat greasy foods like french fries or pizza, holding your iPad while you talk on your iPhone, holding your iPad while you’re driving, and holding your iPad while you take your kids to the park.
iPad Smudge Station Attendant
If you’ve used your iPad for more than two minutes, you’ve quickly realized the importance of clean hands. But inevitably, you’re bound to build up natural oils, apply moisturizer, or perhaps eat something with your hands, and when you do, your iPad will go from sparkling to smudged. Not to worry. Simply drive your iPad to your local “iPad smudge station,” usually found at gas stations and car washes. Once there, simply hand your iPad to a trained smudge station attendant, and watch them make your iPad look like new. Remember, it is customary to tip them, which can either be done in cash or the purchase of an app for their own mobile device.
The iPad Addiction Counselor
As with the introduction of all new technologies, there are bound to be people who “overdo it,” and the iPad is no exception. Whether you’re playing AirCoaster, telling your Facebook friends that you’re updating your Facebook status, tweeting what you ate for breakfast, or making a poster for your yard sale in Pages, if you’re spending “too much” time with your new and shiny iPad or spending your rent money on iPad apps, it may be time for an intervention. You’ll need the services of an iPad Addiction Counselor. These people are trained to recognize the signs of iPad addiction, like expecting non-electronic objects like doors to open, with the flick of a finger, or talking to your kids with your thumbs. A good iPad Addiction Councilor can help you regain your connection to the people, not the things, that matter in your life. Once you’ve come to terms with your iPad addiction and completed iPad addiction program, then you’re free to tweet to everyone how far you’ve come.