“Asking for advice is how some people trap you into expressing an opinion
 they can disagree with.” –Franklin P. Jones

Let’s face it, most of us don’t enjoy dishing out criticism; we do enjoy offering advice. The pinch comes in determining if “help” is really going to be helpful.

What Are Your Motives?

People give out advice or a variety of reasons: to flaunt their knowledge, boost their own egos, control someone else; or to be genuinely helpful with empathy, support, or good, timely information.

Note that some of these motives are noble while others are self-serving. Understanding your own motives at a given moment can help you decide whose interest you have at heart and whether it is really wise to serve up that “advice.”

What Does The Other Person Really Want?

When people ask us for advice they aren’t always clear about what they want. This doesn’t mean they are being deceptive; after all, they’re probably asking because they are a little confused about something. So it makes sense that the request may not be crystal clear. 

• So, ask a few questions yourself. Does (s)he want to:
• hear facts and critical information
• know your opinion?
• understand how you did something?
• get some options to expand her thinking?
• check his reasoning on an issue?
• know what you’ve seen work successfully in similar situations?

Take time to ask some specific questions regarding what the other person really wants or needs. It’ll save you time, avoid confusion, and generate a more helpful result.

 

Put on Your Coaching Hat

Your most effective function may be to stimulate thought and options in a situation. Listen for missing data, tangents, fuzzy logic, and hidden dangers that the other person may not be “seeing.”

Most of all, keep your friend or colleague’s concerns in the forefront. When you listen using their interests as a filter, you’re responses stand a much greater chance of being on target. 

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Speaking of good advice: I received some today in the form of a “Fix Your Factoid” email from keen-eyed Garrison Cox regarding  the homepage of www.steveroesler.com

There is a minor inconsistency in your “factoid” on your home page.  It begins:

Steve once made 59 speeches in 63 days while on a business speaking gig across the entirety of  South Africa. He fainted from exhaustion on speech #61 in front of an audience of 3,000.

But if you made only 59 speeches, you can’t have been on “speech #61.”  Maybe you meant “speech 59”?  At any rate, it has to be a number less than or equal to 59.

 

I’m an editor.  I can’t help myself.  But it might help improve your credibility even further.

 

Regards,

Garrison

This was genuinely helpful and much appreciated. Who wants a mistake on their Home Page?! After a few email exchanges, I was equally smitten by how Garrison presents himself and his qualifications:

My “elevator pitch” is that I’m like the kid in The Sixth Sense who can see dead people:  I can see what people meant to say but did not, either by omission or commission.  Some clients pay me very well for that talent.

 For you, no charge.  But if you ever have a client with a technical piece of text that needs editing, I am a recovering lawyer with an MBA who can make anything simpler and clearer.  I also ghost write technical pieces for senior partners in Big Four accounting firms who want their names published but don’t have time to write snappy articles in their areas of expertise.

 Best,

Garrison

Here’s my take: After multiple online interactions with Garrison, he’s the kind of guy I’d work with in a minute. He’s quick-witted, sharp with the editing pen, and a very good synthesizer. If you’re considering editing, tech ghost writing, or want a professional set of eyes, you can reach Garrison at [email protected]