Conversation with TheHRD

HRD: Oi dickead!

Me: …..excuse me?

HRD: You heard me arsehole…..

Me: What? What is it?

HRD: Why have you been ignoring me?

Me: I haven’t….I’ve just….been…..busy…

HRD: Busy? My bollocks. You’ve been fucking around is what you’ve been….dick!

Me: Can you stop calling me that?

HRD: Fuck off.  You need to get some focus back boy.  Do you really think anyone cares about your British bumhole ballbags? Or your whining on about your kids? You’re coming across as a complete pussy. You idiot.  People don’t give a shit about that stuff.

Me: I thought they’d gone quite well…..

HRD: That’s because your head is so far up your own arse you get butterflies when you blink. People come here to read me…..not that whining old crap.  I’m the star turn. I’m the attraction. I’m all you’ve fucking got you short-sighted fuckwit.

Me: You’re not real…so you can’t be…your just a figment of my imagination.

HRD: Oh really? So why the fuck are you having a conversation with me then you muppet?

Me: Sometimes I just want to…….do other stuff…..

HRD: ……….you total fucking plank. “Sometimes I want to do other stuff!” Haven’t you realised….it doesn’t matter what YOU want…..it is what THEY want that matters…..you’re just a performing dog…and a fucking badly trained one at that.

Me: Why are you being like this?

HRD: Give me fucking strength……..Why am I being like this????? Because YOU made me like this you spineless excuse of man……YOU!

Me: I’m not sure I like you anymore.

HRD: Of course you don’t. THAT IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT! You’re not supposed to like me, people don’t like me!

Me: I never intended you to be like this, that was never the idea…..but then……I suppose…..if I made you……

HRD: Fuckadoodle-do…..Finally! That’s it…..come on…..you’re starting to think again now…..come on dickwipe……!

Me: If I made you……..then surely…… I can kill you…………?

HRD: BINGO! We have a winner…………..there’s only one problem though isn’t there shithead?

Me:…….?

HRD: YOU. HAVEN’T. GOT. THE. FUCKING. BALLS……..


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