In their book, Learning to Lead, Warren Bennis and Joan Goldsmith, write, “To be authentic is literally to be your own author (the words derive from the same Greek root), to discover your native energies and desires, and then find your own way of acting on them. When you have done that, you are not existing simply to live up to an image posited by the culture or by family tradition or some other authority. When you write your own life, you have played the game that was natural for you to play. You have kept covenant with your own promise.”

It takes strong character to exercise the courage of our convictions. It also takes a sound knowledge of what exactly my convictions are. It’s easier to have no convictions, to go along, to follow the crowd — at least I think, well, yeah, maybe it is….

Ringing true to me is hard. Getting real can be tough. It’s a lifelong effort to keep peeling back the layers of my own outer actions and inner self to discover who I really am. A form of hypocrisy is when I attempt to fool others. A foggier form of hypocrisy is when I am fooling myself. To reduce self-hypocrisy, I need to continually explore my inner space by constantly asking, “who am I?”

Don’t Be an Ass

“An ass found a lion’s skin and dressed himself up in it. Then he went about frightening everyone he met, for they all took him to be a lion, men and beasts alike, and took to their heels when they saw him coming. Elated by the success of his trick, he loudly brayed in triumph. The fox heard him, and recognized him at once for the ass he was, and said to him, “Oho, my friend, it’s you, is it? I, too, should have been afraid if I hadn’t heard your voice.” 

This classic Aesop fable illustrates playing a part — being someone else. But those closest to us will eventually see through us. The key question is — can I see myself? Can I recognize my own inner voice? Do I listen to what it is telling me? Am I drawn into roles, jobs, or relationships that I am not cut out for? Am I following the path that society or others think I should be on? Am I blazing my own path? Am I following my heart?

Reputation is what people think I am. Personality is what I seem to be. Character is what I really am. Our goal should be to blur the lines between the three until they are one and the same. That means living my life from the inside out. When I live my life from the outside in, appearances are everything. What other people think of me and want from me becomes my guiding principle. So, my confidence and self-image are out of my control. I set myself up to be a victim of the fickle opinion of others. The harder I try to make an impression, then that is exactly the impression I make.

To Be or Not to Be Me

As a leader, I want to serve others. And I need to know how others see me. However, I can’t serve, support, or guide others if I am not coming from a strong inner core. Only if I believe in myself can I generate believers. In Hamlet, William Shakespeare writes, “this above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Continually peeling back the layers of who we are is the personal growth process of becoming. Our own inner space is as vast as outer space. Like the many generations of Star Trekkers, we can “boldly go where no one has gone before” as we continue to push back the frontiers of self-knowledge. If we’re going to continue to deepen and grow, it’s our own never-ending discovery trek.

Honesty and integrity are the bedrock of trust. Trust is a key element in establishing credibility. Our credibility is at the center of our ability to influence others and provide strong leadership. In our leadership workshops, we often ask participants to list the qualities of the most effective leaders they have experienced in their family, school, community, social, or organizational lives. Words like sincere, truthful, trustworthy, reliable, principled, and genuine are usually on the list. These characteristics are the hallmarks of strong leaders.

Points to Ponder

• Leadership isn’t just what we do, it’s also something that we are, which drives what we do. The deepest and most lasting leadership comes from the inside out. It’s authentic. It’s real. It’s genuine.
• There are two types of hypocrisy; 1. deceiving or being untrue to others, and 2. deceiving or being untrue to myself. The first type of hypocrisy is detestable. It’s an intentional attempt to fool someone else. The second type is sad. It’s an unintentional lack of self-awareness.
• Reputation is what people think I am. Personality is what I seem to be. Character is what I really am. Our goal should be to blur the lines between the three until they are one and the same.
• Honesty and integrity are fundamental to developing trust. Trust is a key element in establishing credibility. Our credibility is at the center of our ability to influence others and provide strong leadership.
• Leadership is in the eye of the beholder. I judge myself by my intentions. Others judge me by my actions. Feedback gives me another opportunity to reflect on our behavior from the viewpoint of others.
• It’s not about changing them; it’s about changing us. That starts with changing me. I can’t influence others to change what they’re doing with the same behavior that contributed to their current behavior.
• Good intentions are useless if they stop there. One of the biggest differences between most people and authentic leaders is action. Real leaders make it happen.

 

 

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