10 Ways to Make Your Employees Quit

Employee retention is a challenge for many businesses. But for organizations with strong cultures, good compensation, impeccable environments and wicked perks, it can start to feel like employees don’t ever want to leave! If your profit margins are too high, your employees are too happy, or you’re just looking for a bit more of a retention challenge, here are 10 ways to get your employees to quit (don’t say we didn’t warn you!):

1. Neglect all interpersonal relationships

Make it clear that your employees are there for one reason: to work. They should make management look good, and for them to expect anything other than a paycheck is unreasonable. Your relationship ends with a signature on a paycheck; ensure that your employees understand they won’t get anything beyond that.

2. Always hire externally

Employees who feel like they don’t have a future in your business are much more likely to look for work elsewhere. Don’t offer any hope for advancement, and make sure that when a management position opens up, you always hire from outside. Your employees who were looking to get ahead will have their hopes of advancement crushed.

3. Enforce extreme working hours

no employee respect rodney dangerfield

When employees “don’t get no respect,” they’re more likely to quit. Wikimedia/Jim Accordino

Are many of your staff part-time workers? Keep them on a rigid schedule that is incapable of adjusting for their other commitments. Is more of your team there full-time? Demand that they come in early in the morning, work through their lunches, and stay long past the end of the day. Weekends? You betcha! Employees who don’t like the hours are sure to leave you in a matter of weeks.

4. Overwork

If your workplace is a nice place to be, the long hours won’t scare away as many employees as they could. Compensate for this by bringing on an extreme load of stress. With tight deadlines, mountains of work, and little hope of extra help, you’re sure to get more sinkers than swimmers.

5. Forget respect

Rodney Dangerfield used to complain about never getting any respect. He made a career out of it. If your employees feel you don’t respect them enough, or that your language isn’t proper, or that you don’t appreciate them, they should be able to make a new career out of it too!

6. Ignore, ignore, repeat.

Yes, studies have shown that above anything, employees crave recognition. So if you don’t want to put them on a pedestal, get rid of the pedestal entirely. Once they come to realize that there’s no chance of ever being recognized for their hard work, it’ll be easier for them to look for employment elsewhere.

7. Get some gloom and doom

People don’t like negativity. They don’t like it all the time, and they don’t like it in their faces. So when things start to look a little bit tight, blow it out of proportion. The company is in trouble. We won’t see the end of the year. Quality is down, margins are razor-thin, etc. Without these hefty doses of morbid reality, your employees should be jumping off the sinking ship in no time.

8. Say no-no to compensation

Why shouldn’t you pay 10% more than minimum wage? Because minimum wage is 10% less than that! Okay, so the math isn’t quite right, but the idea stands. When you start to believe that your employees can’t afford to be choosy about their work, you’ll be able to attract employees who truly can not afford to be choosy about their work.

9. Try to be more evil

There’s this cool thing called corporate social responsibility, and businesses that are bad at it tend to have a hard time attracting and retaining their employees. Try to put a little bit more effort into destroying the environment, stealing from charities, and defrauding stockholders, and you should have employees quitting in no time.

10. Keep an ugly space

A good work environment is crucial for employee retention. So make sure you don’t have one. Safety risks, outdated equipment, crumbling paint and torn furniture are great ways to remind your team that your organization is a part of their past, not their future.


These are the things that other businesses have done—and continue to do—before being suddenly surprised when they have a mass exodus of employees. If you’re serious about employee retention, look at the impact your business and your managerial decisions can have on your employees, and consider why they might leave. Then work to prevent that from happening.

Build a culture of success, promote your corporate values, and get honest feedback from your employees by deploying a performance management system from TribeHR today. 


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